


walked into the flames

by pettigrace



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, American Sign Language, Asexual Raphael Santiago, Bars and Pubs, Deaf Character, Depression, Disabled Character, F/M, Friendship, Human Raphael, Human Simon, Immortality, Is it a saphael fic unless simon makes raphael watch star wars, M/M, Muteness, Portals, Regret, Sign Language, Spells & Enchantments, Star Wars References, hard of hearing character, raphael is so gone for simon, raphael was supposed to be a daylighter but that didnt work out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-10-08 09:38:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10383780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pettigrace/pseuds/pettigrace
Summary: A desperate Raphael takes up the offer of a warlock to grant him a second chance to live as a human in exchange for his voice.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [oathofsilence](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oathofsilence/gifts).



> Okay, so this belongs to my series of "My friend made a random comment and I turned it into a fucking long oneshot", I hope you enjoy it! Here's how it came to be: My uni friend mentioned how the German voice actors in Shadowhunters seems to switch from episode to episode, so I wanted to check the actors in question and tweeted about it: "... And Raphael doesn't seem to have a voice at all", because no site I checked listed him. Cue Leon: "AU where Raphael sells his voice to be with Simon". And I went crazy with that idea.
> 
> I've been thinking of writing a fic where the vampires are a metaphor for the Deaf community for a long time, but seeing how I'm not deaf myself, it was bound to get offensive and ableist as hell. I compromised with myself on including aspects of that idea in this one here and hope I'm not overstepping anything. If I do, please tell me.  
> So yeah, this AU includes some ASL. I know that the grammar of any sign language is different from spoken languages, but since it's only Raphael in this fic who signs without accompanying it with speech and he's fluent in spoken English, he'd still try to express himself and think in that grammar. He also spells out a few things, which are written L-I-K-E T-H-I-S when he doesn't know the actual sign yet or mentions names.
> 
> At last: A very happy birthday to one of my best friends!!!!!!! Written especially for you, Leon.

The Shadow World sounds like it is a gruesome world, full of secrets and pain. And it is true, for most of the time, but there’s one thing that is undeniable: News travel fast.

Raphael has spent the past decades isolating himself from other people - the only ones who’ve made it to talk to him ever since his clan disbanded have been Magnus and Ragnor, simply because losing them too, would have ruined him completely. If he’d thought he’d been living in the shadows before, it only became worse now that he’s alone - he barely leaves his flat, walking the streets in the dark only reminding him of what he’s lost, the people he used to have by his side. It only makes the loneliness even worse.

But his friends are still very much _of_ the world he’s left behind, and even though he keeps shutting them up whenever they mention it, they’re eager to inform him about new things that happened. Frankly, Raphael has lost attention for what’s happening: Even the news of Valentine’s death hasn’t caused any particular reaction inside of him. It should be satisfying that the man who brought him and his brethren so much pain is gone, and maybe it even is, but he barely feels it. So many have lost their lives and they won’t be brought back.

Today, however, the words that Ragnor utters gain his attention. He hadn’t expected to ever feel _excitement_ about something again, but he raises in his seat as his friend says, “Rumour has it this warlock found a way to grant vampires the ability to walk under the sun.”

It’s an off-hand statement, voiced as if he doesn’t believe in it and just wants to share some gossip (which, knowing Ragnor, is probably exactly what he’s meant to do), and for a second he doesn’t even seem to notice what an effect it has on Raphael.

He wouldn’t even be able to describe it himself - it looks like a chance to start anew. To leave the recent past behind, to come out of the shadows and try to find a new place in the world.

“What? How?”, Raphael asks before he can stop himself. He's glad that it’s Ragnor who’s told him rather than Magnus, because the latter would find his sudden interest suspicious. Ragnor, however, is focussed more on sharing his news.

“I don’t know, man.”, Ragnor responds, “Heard it in France from some drunk werewolves.”

“Werewolves.”, Raphael repeats and suppresses a shudder. They’re still the natural enemies of his kind so he can’t help it. It causes his doubt to grow even more - if it’s told by a werewolf, it’s probably a trap.

“Yeah, didn't even know they could get pissed. Guess you learn something new every day.”, Ragnor goes on. “Said that they knew it from some faeries in Pennsylvania, though, so it might just be true.”, he adds with a chuckle.

Raphael frowns at his laughter. Sure, faeries can pass on a rumour because it _is_ a fact that they've _heard_ it but exactly that means that they can't have made it up either. Someone must have told _them_.

“You know faeries. They _love_ rumours. As close to lying as they can get.”, Ragnor shrugs and nips at his beer.

“Here's to not being faeries,” Raphael cheers in a monotone voice and drinks a sip of his blood.

His mind, however, is running fast, calculating his chances to persuade the local faeries to grant him contact to their Pennsylvanian brethren.

 

-

 

If there’s one character trait that all warlocks have common, it’s their flair for a dramatic setting. Come to think of it, it’s probably a trait of all immortal beings - they have legends to live up to and enough time to get bored enough to try it. But warlocks are definitely the best at actually doing it, giving that their powers grant them the ability to do all kinds of things. They could, for example, change the weather of their nearby surroundings to have it fit their wished effect.

So, it doesn’t really shock Raphael that the door of the building he’s facing opens by itself, making a creaking sound. It would probably be scarier if he hadn’t seen Magnus do the same thing to every new customer he gets.

“Hello?”, he calls, thinking that playing along may be better than immediately revealing that he’s not a mundane, “Anybody there?”

At that, the lights turn on. Raphael does his best impression of a white person in a horror movie. “Woah, that’s freaky.”

He hears a movement in a room far to his right and slowly starts moving there. Since there’d have been the obvious option to follow the hall rather than take a turn, he supposes the warlock will figure out that he’s no mundane soon enough.

The corridor is actually not scary by itself. If it were day and actual light were to illuminate the walls rather than lamps, he supposes it could look nice. The walls are painted in a bright colour and bare a couple of pictures of children - Raphael has heard that this warlock takes in younger ones who’ve been abandoned, so that’s not too weird.

He locates the woman behind the door, far from where someone would look when they first enter, but by now he’s tired of playing dumb. He turns to face her just after entering the room.

“Hello, Miss Rouse.”

For a split second, she looks surprised but then she breaks into a smile, putting her hand down a little. “Well, well, well,” she starts in a sweet tone, “If that isn’t the vampire who’s destroyed his own clan.”

Raphael suppresses the need to swallow at that. “May I come in?”

“You already have,” she points out. “What brings you here, Mr Santiago? I don’t think you need _another_ warlock in your life.”

Raphael raises an eyebrow at that. Not that his friendships are a secret, but someone he’s never met before pointing them out is admittedly strange. “I’m not here for pleasure.”

“Are they ever?”, she mumbles to herself before saying loudly, “What brings you here, then?”

“I have the feeling that you already know.”

Her smile grows wider. “I’m afraid I don’t. You’ll have to tell me, I suppose.”

Raphael knows that she’s lying. She must be aware of the rumours spilled about her, so she must know there’s only one reason why he’d seek her help rather than Magnus’ or Ragnor’s. Right now, she’s enjoying his desperation.

“Rumour has it that you have something up your sleeve for my kind.”, he states, ignoring the foul taste of the words. “A spell.”

“Oh, yes.”

When she doesn’t say any more, Raphael takes a deep breath. “I’m interested in it.” Before she can respond, he adds, “Mostly in the conditions at this point.”

“The conditions…”, she repeats. “You see, lots of work requires an… expensive payment.”

“Of course.”

“It’s an old enchantment practiced by warlocks from Rumania. They’ve worked on it for multiple hundred years, after one of your brethren went rogue.”, she tells him. It’s obvious whom she’s referring to. “Their fear of your kind is omnipresent, so more often than not they try to heal those who don’t need it.”

“What are you saying?”

“It’s never been practiced on an actual child of the night.”

That sends shivers down Raphael’s spine. He doesn’t mean to be a lab rat for some random warlock, endangering his own life. Of course, if there’d actually been a record of turned vampires, there’d have been more word going around than a rumour. But in his frustration, he hadn’t thought that far.

“But none of the mundanes were harmed.”, she adds. “I reckon it’s safe to assume that even if it doesn’t work out, you’ll encounter no harm either.”

“Mundanes don’t burn from holy water either.”, Raphael replies. “That’s no real reassurance.”

“I have nothing other than that.”

She’s honest, Raphael has to give her that. Weirdly enough, her saying that she’s not certain if it will be safe makes her gain his trust.

“What would the payment entail?”, he wants to know.

If she’s surprised by the fact that his interest is still there, then she’s good at hiding it. “Something only you can give me.”

Raphael raises an eyebrow again.

“You have a lovely voice,” she states, stepping closer.

Intuitively, Raphael leans back. If there’s one thing you don’t want - even with enhances speed - it’s a warlock right in your face. It’s a different story with his friends, of course, although he’d rather not have them touch him constantly. “My voice?”

“Your voice,” she nods. “Your voice in exchange for a second chance to live in light.”

Raphael hesitates. It sounds careless to even _think_ about agreeing. But, seeing how it’s about more than just sunshine - it’s about finding his place again, somewhere where nobody knows Raphael Santiago, to _enjoy_ his time again. Thinking about that, it sounds like a small price.

“I won’t take it if it doesn’t work, of course.”

“Would you take an oath on that?”

“Without any hesitation.”

That’s all she’s had to say.

 

-

 

Iris Rouse, as it turns out, may be quite weird but she stays true to her word. She only put a second spell on him after he’s tested out everything to determine whether he’s still supernatural or not. And then, when he’d agreed to her work and she’d taken his voice, she’s conjured a portal to get him back to Harlem.

As he wanders the streets of his home district, Raphael can’t help but repeatedly try out different things: whether he can run, whether he can speak, whether he can listen into the bar down the street. It’s stupid to doubt whether Iris has kept all parts of their bargain - warlocks are true to their word, most of the time.

And she’s done it; he walks in a way that would’ve been considered slow-motion only hours ago. It’s still dark, so he can’t test out whether he can step into the sun or not, but he has no worries about that, actually.

That doesn’t mean he’s free of thoughts, though, of course not. His mind is running, wondering if he’s made a mistake. If he’s betrayed his kind even more than he’s already done years ago. Is he running from his past? Probably. From the glares, from the emptiness, from his damnation.

At the same time, he’s hopeful. Maybe waking up won’t be that hard any more. Maybe he won’t get irritated so easily any more. Maybe he could, well, be more human at last.

Only one way to find out.

 

-

 

For some unknown reason, Magnus is particularly fond of Raphael. At first, he’d gathered it was nothing but the duty he felt towards his mother, but soon enough Magnus’s turned out to actually _care_. Ever since he got turned, Raphael doesn’t really expect people to do anything but resent him. But Magnus Bane was never one to match expectations.

Raphael hasn’t planned to _hide_ his new situation from his friends because sooner or later it would be obvious anyway. He might not be one to talk for hours straight or get loud during arguments, but he doesn’t completely shut up either.

But he’d thought that he’d be able to tell them about it gently. Meet up with Magnus and Ragnor at once and sit them down. Or write them a lengthy message at least. He’d have been carefully prepared for any reaction.

Of course, that’s not how it happens.

Magnus shows up at his apartment without any kind of announcement, no call or even a knock on the door, but simply opens up a portal right in his living room. He tends to do that quite often, so Raphael wouldn’t usually mind. Except now, he’s kind of avoiding the other in order to keep a secret.

“Good evening, _hermoso_.”, Magnus greets him with a big smile.

Raphael cocks an eyebrow at him and puts down his book so he can cross his arms in front of his chest. Magnus may show up unannounced pretty often, but that doesn’t mean he does it without a reason. More often than not it involves socializing.

“Someone’s in a bad mood.”, Magnus mumbles at the lack of Raphael’s response. He jumps over the back of the couch and sits down next to him. “You know what would make it better? A party!”

Raphael groans without making a sound. He knows that he can never escape one of Magnus’ invitations, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t complain.

Of course, he can’t actually complain. At least not verbally.

Magnus must pick up on that because he reaches out for Raphael’s arm and asks, “Hey, are you alright?”

Raphael grimaces. Magnus said it with such earnest that he can’t even _consider_ lying to him. So, he shrugs and lets his free arm reach for his phone.

Magnus starts frowning as he types.

 _I’ve done something that you might consider stupid._ , Raphael writes and lifts his phone so Magnus can read it.

Now, Magnus is not a High Warlock for nothing. Not only is he the son of a Prince of Hell, and thus one of the most powerful warlocks, but he’s quick to catch up on things. He’s probably heard of the rumours, too, and now he puts everything together as he reads the words - Raphael can see it on his face: confusion, disbelief, anger and, at last, empathy.

“Oh, honey,” Magnus breathes and leans over to pull him into an embrace. “I had no idea it was _that_ bad.”

Raphael can’t blame him for that, seeing how he’s not one to go around and boast his feelings. Plus, whenever either Magnus or Ragnor have been around, he’s felt less lonely for the time being. But whenever he’s been on his own, facing his dark apartment, his mind would drift back to how it’s been before, how there’s barely been a moment of silence in the hotel. Looking back, he curses himself for being annoyed at the typical noise of the hotel so often.

He buries his face into Magnus’ shoulder and for a few moments, he does nothing but breathe.

He feels awful for having gone behind Magnus’ back like that, for not valuing his friendship enough, for feeling alone. It’s not fair to be like that.

And yet, it’s done.

“What have you agreed to?”, Magnus asks carefully. He’s not angry but concerned.

Raphael leans back and starts typing again, meaning to state the conditions shortly.

Magnus raises his eyebrows as he reads it. “You gave up _your voice_? For how long?”

Raphael shrugs.

“Raphael…”, Magnus starts. Then he shakes his head softly. “When did you mean to tell me? Does Ragnor know?”

Raphael shakes his head. He’d actually meant to tell them both at once - like ripping of a band-aid. Knowing Ragnor, his response could be more loud than anything - Magnus would be a great buffer.

“Do you _want_ him to know?”, Magnus asks.

Raphael glares at him.

“Okay, yeah, ‘course you do.”, he chuckles softly. “Shall I call him?”

Raphael sighs in reply. He’d rather get over with it sooner than later, so eventually he nods.

Magnus grants him a smile and reaches for his own phone. The next moment, he’s pressing it to his ear. After only a few seconds, Raphael can hear Ragnor’s voice.

“Bane, I'm kind of in a bargain here--”

“Yeah, sorry. Just stop by as soon as you can. It's about Raph--”

A blue light appears in the middle of the room, slowly spiralling to grow bigger and bigger. Ragnor steps out before it's taller than Raphael.

“--ael. Jesus Christ.”

Ragnor ignores him in favour of looking at Raphael with a concerned expression. He steps over and cups Raphael’s chin with a hand, making him look into his eyes. “Are you alright? What is up?”

“You didn't have to portal in _right away_.”, Magnus says.

Raphael frees himself of Ragnor’s grip and nods in agreement. If he was busy with more important things, he should've done those first. It's not like his condition will change again in the next few hours.

“Well, you did raise my concern. What's going on?”

Magnus gives Raphael a pointed look.

Ragnor raises an eyebrow as Raphael reaches for his own phone again, pouting his lips a little.

“ _Remember when you told me about this warlock?_ ”, he reads out when Raphael holds out his phone.

“ _You_ told him about this?”, Magnus snaps. “Why'd you do something like this?”

“You know, I _am_ allowed to talk to him. Last time I checked we shared custody, my dear.”, Ragnor says dryly. “What about this warlock?”

“They’ve turned him into a mundane.”, Magnus answers, crossing his arms.

“They did _what_?”, Ragnor asks, looking at him with surprise. “What? Why?”

“Because he asked them to, idiot.”

Raphael waves his hand between them to gain their attention. They stop their glaring only reluctantly to read what he’s typed out. _I went there voluntarily and it’s NOT Ragnor’s fault._

He can imagine that Ragnor would have shot Magnus a smug look if it weren’t for his discovery. “Wait… And you gave up your voice?”

Raphael nods.

“Shit.”

“So, what’s the plan? Find a vampire to bite you?”, Ragnor wants to know and sits down on the edge of the couch.

Raphael raises an eyebrow and shakes his head.

“He _wanted_ to become a mundane.”, Magnus points out. Raphael can’t ignore the sad subtone of his words.

Ragnor doesn’t look too happy either, but he gets up again and puts a hand on Raphael’s shoulder. “Well, you’re your own man. Can’t deny you making your own decisions.”

Raphael puts a hand on top of his and nods thankfully, although he can’t help but wonder again whether he made the right choice.

 

-

 

Magnus has meant to take Raphael out for his first time in the sun. It’s been quite an antsy topic, partly because even with the knowledge that the sun won’t hurt him, Raphael’s vampire reflexes are still inside of him, and partly because he didn’t know how to approach it.

He didn’t know whether he’d rather do it on his own or take up Magnus’ offer to accompany him (which involved big plans; apparently Magnus was very focussed on going swimming in particular). Ragnor would’ve gladly gone with him as well, and done the thing in a way more chill way than Magnus, but in the end, it happened more spontaneously than either of them could’ve expected.

Raphael’s been struck by a sudden desire to _finally get out of the apartment_ when the morning sun threw its soft rays through the blinds - he’d been slowly stepping into them in a manner of testing himself and when they didn’t hurt him, he hurried to put on clothing.

Now that he’s out of the flat, enjoying the warmth on his skin, he isn’t even too confused by his own behaviour. In a way, it’s not like it’s spontaneous after all - after all, he’s spent _days_ wondering when and how to get out and what to do. Even _he_ can’t keep doing that forever.

And then, on his first morning out in the sun, he gets the first coffee of his life.

 

-

 

Seeing how Raphael can’t use his voice to communicate any more, he’s been bound to use his phone for most of the time now. It’s annoying to have to get it out and type then, taking up people’s time, so he’d rather find another way. It’s only logical that he’s starting to go to a Sign Language class.

He’s lucky because the new semester is only starting just now, so he can actually join a class right at its first lesson and won’t barge in or have to wait. It isn’t very expensive, considering most of the clan’s money is his nowadays.

Their teacher, a Deaf woman herself, spends the first hour greeting them with both a powerpoint and actual signs, explaining a lot about Deaf culture and how the language works, teaching them the first phrases like “My name is…” or “How are you?” before handing out sheets with the alphabet printed on them and telling them to pair up with the person next to them to try out the first few lines they’ve learned.

When Raphael turns to his partner, he gets a first look at him. They’ve spent more than 60 minutes sitting next to each other, but he’s been so focussed on watching their teacher that he barely noticed his surroundings.

The guy, however, turns out to be rather good-looking. A bit dorky, maybe, with his thin features and big glasses that almost hide his thick brows. He’s got dark, curly hair and sharp teeth that he bares when he grins at Raphael. It’s all kinds of random things that make up a pretty nice face, actually.

Hi. I’m R-A-P-H-A-E-L , Raphael spells slowly, shooting a glance down to the paper almost the whole time. He knows that it’s rude, especially after their teacher has talked them through the etiquette of talking to Deaf people, but he only just started learning and wouldn’t want to screw up his own name.

His partner smiles softly and nods before signing his own name. In his case, Raphael doesn’t even have to look down, because the other actually talks along to his signing. “My name’s Simon.”

S-I-M-O-N , Raphael repeats slowly.

“Yeah, you got that!”, Simon cheers. “See, I’m slowly losing my hearing, that’s why I’m here. Some days it’s better than others, but I gotta wear these babies.” He tilts his head to show Raphael his hearing aids. “What about you?”

Raphael points at himself before spelling,  M-U-T-E . 

“Ah, wow. That sucks,” Simon says, looking honestly distraught. Raphael can imagine that he’s someone who wears his emotions on his tongue. “So, what do you do for a living, then?”

Raphael thinks about what to answer for a moment before flipping his sheet of paper and writing onto it. _This muteness is recent. So I’m kind of inbetween places._ , he writes, not adding that he’s been ‘inbetween places’ for the past few decades.

“Yeah, I can imagine. Must be hard.”, Simon tells him. He spells out every few words or signs along to his words.

Raphael points at him.

“Me?”, Simon asks. When Raphael nods, he answers, “I’m a student. Accounting. I play in a band, too, though.”

Raphael raises an eyebrow and points at his ear. He’s heard that there’s Deaf people who play music, simply by feeling the vibrations, but he can’t imagine that the volume of live instruments is good for someone who is Hard of Hearing.

“Oh yeah, it’s not really helping with the ears.”, Simon laughs. “But it’s bound to happen anyway - my dad had the same and been almost completely deaf when-- so it doesn’t matter whether I continue my hobby or not.”

Raphael huffs at that. He doesn’t think that he’d be the same if he were in Simon’s position. He’d probably hold onto his hearing for as long as he can. But then again - he _has_ basically done the same thing, hasn’t he? Given up his voice completely for a chance of some kind of joy. So, he nods with a smile.

“Well, look at that. You’re mute and I’m almost deaf,” Simon grins, “Quite a pair.”

Raphael can’t help but chuckle at how blunt Simon is. Magnus tries to avoid even _thinking_ about it as much as possible. With all of Ragnor’s grumpiness, you’d think that at least _he_ wouldn’t dance around on his tiptoes, but no.

It’s not that Raphael would like to talk about it all the time (or actually, at all) but as it seems, it’s going to be a part of him for a long, long time. It’s not something you can just ignore.

Raphael doesn’t have a voice. He’ll probably never be able to talk again. He’s mute. And although it’ll probably be inconveniencing, it’s who he is now. He’s gotten used to being a vampire, this can’t be any worse.

 _Would you like to grab a coffee after the lesson?_ , he writes quickly. He shoves the paper over to Simon. After all, he’s not just here to learn a new language, but maybe also to find a new place, find new friends.

Simon’s grin is a very beautiful, heart-warming sight. “Sure, why not?”

 

-

 

Raphael struggles with his new situation and at the same time, he doesn’t. He has no problem with being out in the sun again, with getting to eat delicious food, not having to filter his hearing. It’s a relief to be a mundane again. And yet, of course, it’s still not optimal. He still has to get used to everything that’s changed, and most of all: His lack of a voice.

Magnus has taken it upon himself to come and check up on him every day (which, actually, is quite unnecessary, seeing how he’s now in a better mental state than he’s been before), either staying only for a few moments or for hours. Secretly, Raphael appreciates it because it’s a distraction from how new everything is, but he’d never admit it.

Of course, it’s new for Magnus, too. A few days after the warlocks have found out, he had stopped by and when Raphael hadn’t replied during a conversation, Magnus had snapped at him how rude it is to ignore his conversation partner. Only when Raphael gabbed a piece of paper did he realize that he forgot about the spell.

Raphael doesn’t mind him too much, actually. He keeps forgetting about it, too, wanting to reply to the barista of the coffee shop he goes to every morning or to greet the people he encounters in the park. It kind of reminds him of the first years after becoming a vampire when he choked on God’s name - only that this time it doesn’t hurt, at least.

He goes to the ASL class once a week and studies with videos he finds on the internet, trying to get as many phrases into his head as possible. He’d like to hold a conversation one day soon. He's still struggling with the facial expressions that go hand in hand with some signs - after years of teaching himself to wear a constant poker face, it's hard to suddenly do the opposite.

At the classes, he finds himself sitting next to Simon every time. The seats aren’t fixed, but somehow they end up at the same table each week. When their teacher assigns them to practice the phrases they’ve just learnt, they do it with each other. It’s fun because while Simon takes it seriously, he also keeps trailing off and starts telling him about himself.

Simon tells him about his band and his friends, mostly, but he also goes on about his family sometimes, about how his sister studies somewhere else and how overprotective his mother is. He tells Raphael how Clary’s - his best friend - parents are pretty much like parents to him, too - how they drive out to a lake house every summer just to enjoy themselves. Raphael is glad to learn that Simon is loved as much as he should be.

Raphael tells him quite a lot, too, being careful that he doesn’t give away for how long he’s lived. He tells him about his life as a mundane, but also about his friendships with Ragnor and Magnus. Of course, not only is Raphael unable to share as much as Simon because he’s been a vampire and because some memories from his life have faded, but also because he needs to either spell or write down a lot of things. But Simon doesn’t push him when he doesn’t reply and smiles at him apologetically when he starts massaging his hand after a while of writing.

When Simon suggests they could hang out privately some time, Raphael doesn’t hesitate to say yes. Besides, he wouldn’t want to see a disappointed expression on the other’s face.

 

-

 

Raphael has to take a second glance at Simon because at first he couldn't even tell if it truly _is_ Simon. For starters, his ridiculous glasses are gone, probably exchanged for some contact lenses. Raphael’s never been a fan of that trope where the nerdy person takes off their glasses in slow motion only to reveal that they're extremely good-looking, but in case with Simon he can't help but endorse it. Actually, he's _known_ that Simon is attractive, of course he did, but the broad rims of his glasses are kind of hiding just _how much_.

He’s actually dressed up, too, as if he’d actually need it. He’s exchanged his usual graphic shirt for a simple black sweater; one that hugs his body tightly and makes his lanky figure seem incredibly less awkward. Together with his skinny jeans and the styled hair there’s no denying in admitting that Simon looks _hot_.

Almost 80 years on this planet and Raphael’s never thought that so quickly about anyone.

“Woah, that guy’s… _quite a view_.”, Magnus says next to him, letting out a soft whistle.

Raphael’s just about to reply - he doesn’t really know what he even wants to answer: Does he want to agree? Does he want to huff? - when he notices that his friend’s eyes are fixed on somewhere higher than his own. He follows them and sees one of the guys who’s entered the bar together with Simon. And _then_ he huffs, sending Magnus a glare that he hopes the other understands.

“Excuse you? _You’re_ the one who started staring into the distance with this hungry look in his eyes!”, Magnus protests. “Which is, you know, interesting ‘cause you’re not even interested in sex--”

“You’re _both_ impossible.”, Ragnor groans. “I’m gonna get something to drink. Getting myself smashed.”

“Yeah, you do that, honey.”, Magnus nods with a smile. “Care to bring me a Margarita? And a Bloody Mary for Raph.”

Usually, Raphael would roll his eyes at that _really_ bad pun, but right now he can’t help but snicker along. Only a few weeks ago, the blood part would have been meant literally. So instead, he takes in the third guy that came in with Simon. He’s about Simon’s height, his blonde hair slicked back and he’s wearing not only a pretentious leather jacket but also a forced seemingly disinterested expression, which kind of makes him look like a douche. Seeing how the tall guy doesn’t look very happy to be there either, Raphael can’t help but wonder why they’re even accompanying Simon.

The tall guy - hair as dark as his clothing, making his pale skin look as if he were glowing - says something without changing anything about his annoyed face, which makes Simon to look from one end of the bar to the other. When he and Raphael lock eyes, Simon starts grinning and waves at him.

Magnus chuckles when he sees Raphael’s smile in return.

He would have responded _somehow_ with just exactly where Magnus could shove that chuckle if it weren’t for Simon and his peers coming up to them quickly. There’s no way his comment would get undiscovered and frankly, he’d do a lot of things rather than have Magnus explain what’s going on.

“Hi!”, Simon calls when they’re only a few steps apart, waving again. “Raphael, meet Jace and Alec. We were kinda forced to do a guys’ night so I figured why not bring them here? I hope that was alright.”, he says, signing a few of the words as he says them. “Guys, meet Raphael.”

Raphael waves and nods at each of them.  This is M-A-G-N-U-S. , he signs before indicating at his friend to introduce himself properly. For all he knows, Simon's friends don't even know sign language.

Magnus smiles and steps forward, shaking everyone's hands. Raphael notes how he holds onto Alec’s - the tall guy - hand a little longer.

Magnus steps back again and says, “We actually have a third member in our crew, too, but he's just gone to get some drinks.”

R-A-G-N-O-R , Raphael signs for good measure.

“Ragnor,” Alec repeats, as if he were tasting the name. Like Simon, he signs and speaks at the same time.

“Ragnor?”, Jace lifts an eyebrow before looking at Magnus. He starts signing then, too.  “And Magnus. Are you guys from Sweden or something?”

“Do I look Swedish to you?”

Jace shrugs. “Guess there's Swedes of colour, too.”

In response, Magnus cocks an eyebrow and crosses his arms. Raphael knows him well enough to recognize this as a warning that he’s about to argue for good, so he focusses on Simon again.

Your friends… they sign. , Raphael starts, suddenly feeling embarrassed about his own little knowledge of the language.

“Yeah,” Simon shrugs. “Their little brother is deaf, so they’ve been learning it for, like, a decade. Kinda jealous of that.”

Me too  , Raphael answers.  They’re… B-R-O-T-H-E-R-S? , he adds, shooting a look at them. They kind of look like polar opposites, the only thing similar as Jace argues with Magnus and Alec keeps standing next to them in silence is that they both seem kind of guarded, in a way.

“Jace is adopted.”, Simon explains. “It’s a long--”

“A Bloody Mary for Raphael and a-- Who let Magnus start an argument?”, Ragnor’s voice comes from the side. “I hope it’s not about cats.”

Raphael chuckles and accepts the glass that Ragnor’s been holding up in front of his face.

“It’s actually… about racism, I think?”, Simon offers.

At that, Ragnor directs his eyes at Simon, squinting a little.

“Uh, I’m Simon. Hi.”, he offers and holds out his hand.

Ragnor shoots a short look at Raphael before accepting the handshake. “Ragnor, hi. I only know British Sign Language, so…”

“Oh, it’s fine.”, Simon responds. “I’ve got my hearing aids in.”, he explains and points at his ears.

“Ah, cool.”, Ragnor nods. “So, are we gonna let Magnus kill somebody?”

Simon laughs at that, obviously thinking it is a joke. Raphael can’t even imagine what his reaction would be if he knew that Magnus is perfectly capable of killing a man without even touching him.

So, in response, Raphael nudges Ragnor’s arm and nods first at the drink and then at Magnus.

“Yeah, right. Wouldn’t want this abomination go to waste, right?”, Ragnor says with a chuckle. “I’m gonna butt in.”

Raphael holds up a thumb at that and sends him off.

“He seems fun.”, Simon remarks, sounding both sarcastic and intrigued.

Raphael huffs and wiggles his hand. Ragnor may be his closest friend, but that doesn’t mean he’d just go around and tell people that. Fact is, all of them are kind of annoying in their own ways and it’d be wrong to ignore that.

“Well, uh, I guess I’m gonna get something to drink, too?”, Simon says, looking over to his friends. “I’d ask them, but it seems like they’re too busy to care about drinks.”

 

In the time that Simon had gone, Magnus has managed to persuade Alec to a game of pool. Raphael can imagine that his friend has hoped the other man wouldn’t know how to play so that he could show him, guaranteeing body contact. But right now, it seems that Alec knows his way around the game. They’re taking their turns, looking down at the table as if it were a real contest and talk occasionally.

Meanwhile, Jace and Ragnor have taken up a round of arm wrestling. Raphael doesn’t know who of them started it - he wouldn’t put it beyond Ragnor - but they both seem really deep into it. He doubts that Ragnor would let the other win, even if he _were_ stronger. A bit of cheating thanks to his magic has never been out of his view.

Raphael’s got a good view at both pairs from the table he’s sat down at, but the bar is behind him so he jumps slightly when Simon speaks up, coming back.

“Hey, they’re still alive!”, he cheers.

Raphael turns a little to face him. He nods and gestures for Simon to take a seat.

With a sigh, he settles down across from Raphael and puts down his bottle of beer. Him sitting there means that Raphael can’t watch Ragnor and Jace’s duel any more, but frankly, he can’t say that he regrets that.

Not when it also means that Simon is completely focussed on him, too.

“Your friends seem interesting.”

Raphael nods.

“You know them from work? Or school? Whatever you’ve done before.”

Something like that. , Raphael answers. He can’t really tell him what either of their ‘jobs’ really entail.

Simon doesn’t seem to mind his short answer. “Cool. You know, I was kinda confused because they - well, Ragnor - seems so… old. Anyway, doesn’t matter really, does it? Friends are friends.”

Raphael smiles at him. He hadn’t really thought what the mundane world would think about the apparent age difference between him and his friends. It’s nice that he doesn’t think weird of it. In response, Raphael points at him before gesturing towards the others.

“Oh, us? I’d hardly call either of them my friend.”, Simon says with a chuckle. “Jace is Clary’s boyfriend and yeah, you know, Alec’s his brother.”

Raphael raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah, well, their sister and Clary are friends, too, and they hate that we don’t get along.”, Simon explains. “So they made us hang out together.”

Raphael silently huffs in response. He can imagine that Simon can be a bit much sometimes, but people actually disliking him seems like an impossible thing. After all, he’s nice and funny and always seems to be in a good mood - how could you hate that?

What about the S-I-S-T-E-R? 

“Izzy? Oh, Isabelle’s great! She cares a lot about everyone, she’s pretty and _so_ clever--”, Simon starts. “Like, literally. She’s a genius.”

And with that, Raphael’s thrown into another rant of Simon’s. He doesn’t mind as long as Simon keeps smiling and gesturing this excitedly.

 

-

 

Of course, now that Ragnor and Magnus have met Simon, they keep teasing Raphael about him. It must have been obvious how mesmerized he’s been by the younger man - Magnus has been charmed by Alec himself, so he couldn’t have paid much attention to them, so it speaks for itself that he _has_ noticed.

Raphael would have loved to return the teasing, but Magnus has never been embarrassed about showing his affection for people, in contrast to him. Now that he’s a mundane again, he actually starts _blushing_ when Magnus grins at him, asking how Simon is.

He’s glad that Ragnor’s back at home most of the time, meaning that they can only text back and forth and he won’t be able to see Raphael’s immediate reaction.

The worst thing is: He’s thought it would get better the more he’d interact with Simon. After all, he’s the first mundane that Raphael has properly encountered so he was bound to either feel an intense like or dislike towards him. And sure, Simon looks good, but he’d thought it was just the first impression and he’d feel less amazed by his looks.

But, as it turns out during their class, the more Simon tells him, the more drawn Raphael feels towards him. It makes no sense and he wishes he could just turn it off, but it doesn’t work.

He slowly starts wondering whether Iris Rouse has put a love spell on him, too.

 

-

 

Raphael usually keeps talking to Simon even after the lesson ended, staying behind for at least one more hour as they’re indulged in a conversation about nothing. It’s been exhausting at first, watching Simon as he talks with big gestures that only sometimes resembles signs, hopping from one topic to the other and try to answer in _some way_. It makes Raphael feel alive.

“Hey, so, there’s something worth celebrating, right?”, Simon says in the middle of another speech. “You got your sign name!”

He mirrors the movement their teacher came up with earlier, crossing his fingers to sign an ‘R’ and moving it over his eyebrow. She’d said it was particularly easy to find this one for Raphael since, apparently, he moves his eyebrows a lot when he reacts to things. Of course, the explanation has caused Simon to snicker.

Yeah, it’s cool., Raphael agrees. He’s the first one in their class to get his sign name.

“It definitely is.”, Simon nods. “So, I was thinking-- we could watch a movie to celebrate? Just not today, I gotta get home, but…?”

Raphael smiles.  Sounds awesome. 

“You think?”, Simon chuckles. “Cool! Are you free on Saturday? We could meet here and go to the cinema.”

Good plan. 

 

-

 

Raphael wouldn’t have thought of Simon to be a punctual person, but apparently the man has decided to keep surprising him. He’s waiting in front of the building of their ASL class, dressed like on every other day and Raphael is glad he hasn’t told Magnus what he’s up to. The warlock would’ve probably taken that as a chance to dress him up.

Simon grins and balances up and down on his heels when he spots him, waiting until he comes closer.

Hey . 

“Hi,” Simon says, still grinning. After a small awkward pause, he says, “So, look, originally my plan was to go to the cinema but today’s apparently a really bad day for my ears, so my aids aren’t strong enough. Long story short, I barely hear anything at all, so we’d need subtitles and the cinema doesn’t have any.”

That sucks. 

“Yeah, tell me about it. So, either we drop the whole thing or we could go to my place? Watch a DVD and have fun.”

Good S-O-L-U-T-I-O-N. 

“You think so?”

Yes. Let’s go . 

Simon breaks into a smile again and motions for him to turn and start walking.

It doesn’t take long to arrive at Simon’s place, especially not since they start talking as they go. Raphael has mostly just listened to Simon after a while, not just because he doesn’t know enough signs and was tired of spelling out everything, but also because the other kept trying to walk sideways to be able to watch him and stumbled over his feet every three steps. He didn’t mind to have a one-sided conversation, it’s something he’s used to, so it didn’t feel pressed.

Simon lives in a narrow building, up the stairs. The hallway is small, barely leaving any space next to the staircase, but as they enter the room on top of it, it reveals a big living room with an open kitchen. It’s quite a mess, the furniture being displaced and all kinds of things lying around, but all in all it looks friendly.

“Sorry for the chaos.”, Simon says as he closes the door behind him.

Raphael’s just about to turn around and tell him that it’s fine when someone struts through the room. It’s a small girl with long red hair, wearing clothes that seem way too short for the season. Her pale skin has specks of paint here and there and a few strains of her hair are hold up by what looks like a paintbrush. She’s very pretty.

“Hey, Simon, have you seen--”, she starts before even looking up at him. When she does, she blinks at Raphael, “Oh, who is that?”

“Raphael,” Simon answers. “Told you about him, didn’t I?”

“Oh, yeah, you did. Sorry, I don’t know where my head is at.”, she says quickly and holds out a hand towards Raphael. “I’m Clary, hi.”

Raphael shakes her hand and gives her a polite smile. He doesn’t particularly like her just yet, especially seeing how she barely gives Simon the chance to try to read her lips. He’s heard about her, of course, it’s bound to happen when Simon goes on about how much he likes his best friend, but it’s different to actually meet her himself.

She doesn’t question his lack of a verbal response, so he guesses Simon’s told her about that, too.

When both of them drop their hands, Simon steps up to stand next to him.

“Simon, have you seen the can of holding spray somewhere?”, Clary wants to know, at last holding out her hand as if she was holding a spray can.

“Uh, I might’ve put it into the cupboard above the sink. Bathroom.”, Simon replies, scratching his back. “You finished the drawing?”

“Almost.”, she nods before scooting off.

“She’s got a deadline coming.”, Simon explains. “I told you she goes to the Academy of Arts, right?”

Raphael nods.  She’s… something. 

“Yeah, she is, right?”, Simon says with a soft smile. “Anyway, I propose we go into my room. She’ll probably keep running around.”

Okay , Raphael agrees.

Surprisingly, Simon’s room is tidier than the living room. Sure, there’s a few things scattered across the table and bed, but the floor is clear. Other than that, it looks like Raphael’s pictured. Lots of posters on the wall, a shelf filled with comics and a guitar in the corner of the room.

Nice , Raphael says and gestures into the air.

“Thank you.”, Simon replies and goes to the bookshelf. He kneels down to have a better look at the DVDs. “So, what do you wanna watch? Oh, wait! Obligatory question,” he turns to face Raphael, “Have you seen Star Wars?”

Raphael shakes his head.

Simon’s face goes from shock to another grin. “Oh boy.”

 

-

 

Raphael supposes that the only way you could enjoy these movies as you watch them decades after they first aired is to grow up with them. He would have had the option to go into the cinema back in the 70s, but for some reason he hasn’t done so.

And now, as he finally watches them, he can’t help but think they’re boring. Plus, the special effects are really bad. At least compared to modern movies (it’s dumb to even draw that comparison but he can’t help it).

Simon, however, is drawn into it. His eyes are fixed on the screen and he’s mouthing along to the words. Raphael guesses he’s watched it countless times, and yet he’s still excited at random scenes, looking towards him shortly to see Raphael’s reaction.

He does his best to not disappoint him.

They’re seated on Simon’s bed, next to each other as they lean against the wall, their arms touching. Raphael can feel Simon’s muscles twitch every now and then when he reacts. Somehow, it feels intimate to be able to tell when the other smiles even without looking at him.

When the end credits roll, Simon faces him for good. “And? What’d you think?”, he wants to know, eyes big and a smile on his face.

Raphael doesn’t know what’s going on in his mind. They’re still sitting in almost the same position, only that Simon’s pretty much curled into his side to look at him without moving too much. Simon’s eyes seem brighter than ever before, no matter how enthusiastic he’s gotten as they talked, showing a dark brown with a few yellow drops here and there.

Instead of replying, Raphael leans forward to press his lips against Simon’s.

 

-

 

Raphael’s so fast in Magnus’ apartment that he’s almost believing he turned into a vampire again. Simon has kissed him back, pulling him closer by the neck and pressing his lips’ back but before Raphael’s known it, he’d been on his legs and _fled_ out of the apartment and taken the next subway. It’s been stupid to just go to Magnus’ place without knowing whether he’s actually at home, but in contrast to the even more stupid thing he’d only done minutes before, it seemed like a small thing.

Luckily, Magnus had been there and sat down with Raphael when he saw him practically hyperventilating, demanding to know what happened.

“He… kissed you and you _ran_?”, Magnus asks with big eyes. “Why’d you do that?”

Raphael glares at him.  Former V-A-M-P-I-R-E  , he spells,  Remember? 

“Yeah, and I’m a warlock. Doesn’t stop me from kissing mundanes.”, Magnus shrugs. He must’ve studied the alphabet lately. “Also, you’re not one any more.”

Raphael suppresses a groan. He doesn’t know enough sign language to even attempt to explain his concerns. It’s not just that he is _a_ former vampire, but that he’s been probably the worst of them. After all, it is _his_ fault that his clan disbanded, that members of it died, that they’re now scattered across the planet.

And Simon? Simon’s one of the purest people he could imagine. Even if he weren’t able to walk in the sun, Raphael would just have to take a look at him and he’d be able to feel the sun on his skin, the bright light in his eyes. Simon could be his salvation. But Raphael is the other’s damnation, always carrying the darkness with him.

Having been a vampire may not matter in the short run, but Simon would quickly catch up on it if they were to spend time together. Raphael would probably refer to things from decades ago in a way that would tell he’s been present.

Exposing Simon to the fact that there’s actual dangerous darkness in the world would seem like a cruel, selfish thing to do.

“You deserve happiness, Raphael.”, Magnus continues. Raphael wants to curse him for being able to read him so well. “What happened is _not_ your fault.”

Raphael shakes his head. They’ve had this discussion countless of times, never coming to a real point. Maybe they’re both right, with Raphael insisting that he ruined his clan and Magnus saying that he didn’t. It wouldn’t do good to pick this up again.  It’s complicated. 

“I don’t know what that sign means,” Magnus admits. “But maybe you should, like, talk to him?”

Raphael is about to respond that he can’t do that but then he freezes. He wouldn’t want to cut Simon out of his life entirely, because after all he _is_ selfish, but he needs to figure out what to do.  R-A-G-N-O-R  , he spells.  I need a break. 

Magnus huffs. “Yeah, maybe he can talk some sense into you.”

At that, Raphael can’t help the smile tugging at his lips. The way Magnus’s said it sounded overly dramatic, purposely so. It’s a running gag that even though (or maybe exactly because) Magnus is the most openly sentimental one of the three of them, it’s Ragnor and Raphael who have a better understanding of each other’s feelings. The way they talk about them is sober, usually, without really expressing them but they listen carefully and give tips that won’t make them force to change their behaviours completely. They’re more similar in that aspect.

He takes out his phone and sends a quick text to Ragnor, asking if it were okay if he stayed at his place for some time.

“You know,” Magnus starts again as he types, “You can’t actually make a choice for him. I don’t know what you’re afraid of, but there’s no guarantee that he is, too.”

Raphael likes to imagine that Simon would go into things head-first - he probably does, seeing how he doesn’t seem to ever think about consequences. But the things is… I don’t know if I am ready., he admits.

“I hope you figure it out. For now, how about some drink?”

Raphael accepts it gratefully.

 

-

 

Big cities are, ultimately, the same. Tall buildings, crowded streets, a few nice sights here and there.

Raphael has never understood how people could have a favourite city. Sure, some have special architecture - he remembers how unique the way Dutch people build their homes is - and a slightly different structure of their map, some have statues that other cities don’t, but in the end there’s not much.

Ragnor’s apartment is in the middle of a street that is bound to attract tourists: Baker Street. Raphael knows that the other likes the flair of being around something with history and that he likes the noise of people walking through the street.

He, however, can’t stand the noise. People who chat happily as they make their way from Madame Tussauds to the Sherlock Holmes Museum or the other way around, oblivious to the fact that people actually live in the flats just above them. It’s slightly better at night, even though, of course, the noise never completely dies down, but it’s still irritating enough.

At home, Raphael has the perk of living outside the inner city. Even with mundane transportation, he doesn’t need too long to get to the bigger blocks, but it’s quiet around his apartment when he needs it and it’s _good_.

He’d hoped visiting Ragnor would give him an opportunity to relax, but so far it’s done nothing.

You need to move. , he announces as he steps into the living room, dropping himself into a chair across from Ragnor.

The other’d looked up when he’d heard the door open and frowns at him now. Ragnor’s probably not understood what Raphael has signed, but he asks, “It’s too loud outside, isn’t it? I don’t hear that anymore. I could put up a spell?”

Later. 

“Okay.”, Ragnor says and picks up his book again. Only after a few seconds, he puts it down again. “You know, you still didn’t tell me what you’re doing here.”

Raphael sighs. It wouldn’t be right to keep putting that off when Ragnor is letting him stay here.  S-I-M-O-N . 

Now, Ragnor sighs. “Of course.”

Raphael narrows his brows.

“I don’t know, man, he makes you do a lot of stuff lately. Like, actually going out and have fun.”, Ragnor offers. “So of course he’d also cause you to leave town. What did he do?”

Seeing how the warlock only knows BSL, Raphael doesn’t even try to sign full sentences. He hopes that single signs are more similar in both languages.  Kiss . 

“Let me guess, and your self-hatred made you panic.”, Ragnor states. “Or maybe your complete lack of affectionate emotions.”

Raphael gives him an angry look. He may not wear his emotions openly but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have them. He has a lot of love, actually, and though it’s difficult for him to show them, Ragnor of all people should know. Maybe he should try more actively to let people know that he cares, stop being such an ass...

“Seeing how you didn’t understand it was a _joke_ , I guess it’s the first option.”

Raphael is not quite sure what to tell him, but he takes out his phone nonetheless. He opens his notes app and types: _It's complicated. He deserves someone better. Someone who shares his enthusiasm, who he can laugh with. He's just… such a good person and I have no idea how he could ever choose me when I am constantly ruining people's lives_.

Ragnor takes the phone out of his hand when he's finished and stares at it intensely, trying to come up with a reply. “ _Ruin people's lives?_ Is this about the clan?”

Raphael doesn't look at him.

“Look, it may have been a mistake to overthrow Camille before you had any real evidence, but you couldn't have known how bad it would get.”, Ragnor tells him. “I mean, if you'd done it just so you could become the leader, then you'd have fucked up.”

I did F-U-C-K U-P. 

“Yeah, but with good intentions. You're a good lad, Raphael.”, at last, Ragnor looks up at him and offers a small smile. “And from the looks of it, that boy already chose you.”

Raphael snorts at that. There’s no way someone like Simon would ever choose him.

“Well, there was a kiss, wasn’t there? Who started it?”

Raphael grimaces and points at himself.

Ragnor raises an eyebrow. “That’s… surprising. But he kissed back?”

 _Well, yeah_. , Raphael says and holds his hand out to get his phone back. When Ragnor gives it to him, he writes: _Yeah, maybe he’s attracted to me, but that’s because he doesn’t_ know _me._

“Then give him a chance to find out,” Ragnor says sternly. “I mean, if you want to. Not forcing you to do anything, but you shouldn’t just go around and assume.”

This is stupid. , Raphael signs as he leans back. He covers his eyes with his hands and lets out a soundless groan.

“Yeah, that’s life.”, Ragnor agrees.

 

-

 

Once Ragnor put up the silence spells, Raphael’s found it pretty easy to fall asleep. During the days, he walks through the streets of London and exhausts himself so that he’d be able to go to bed without starting to rethink everything. He does that enough already during his walks.

As soon as he wakes up, his thoughts seem to drift back to New York, replaying just about every moment he’s shared with Simon. It’s sappy and annoying, but he can’t help it.

Maybe Ragnor is right. Maybe he shouldn’t jinx things himself without knowing Simon’s opinion. But to figure that out he’d have to tell Simon the truth about himself. For all he knows, he’ll think he’s crazy.

 

-

 

After a week in London, Raphael _craves_ going back to New York. Everything is unfamiliar, nobody understands any of the signs Raphael tries to communicate with, he can’t sleep in Ragnor’s bed anymore and, frankly, he misses Simon’s smile.

He feels like a lovesick teenager.

But, in his defense, he was frozen in time as a teenager. And he’s got a crush.

So maybe he _is_ a lovesick teenager, in some way.

 

-

 

“ _Thank God_ you’re back.”, Magnus announces as he portals into Raphael’s living room.

Seeing how he’d only just portaled in himself, it’s amazing how fast Magnus got to know he’s back. Maybe he should check out if the other has out a location spell on him.

Something wrong? 

“Your loverboy keeps annoying Alec about you and he keeps complaining about it to me.”, Magnus says quickly, looking irritated.

Raphael stops on his way to his bedroom and turns to face him.  S-I-M-O-N? 

“You guys kissed and then you disappeared for a week. Makes a guy wonder, I guess.”, Magnus shrugs. “So, what did your little vacation tell you?”

Raphael sighs. He definitely wants to try things with Simon since, for some very obscure reason, he seems to find interest in him, but he’s still not sure about telling him about his vampirism. He probably shouldn’t bring it up right away, but he needs to eventually, that much he knows.

 _Does Alec have Simon’s phone number?_ , he writes on an envelope he found on the kitchen counter and holds it out for Magnus.

“I guess? I’ll aks him for it.”, Magnus decides. “I’m glad Ragnor helped you figure it out.”

Raphael pulls the paper back and scribbles on it. _You did, too. thanks._

“Any time.”

 

-

 

Raphael’s expected many things when he imagined how it would be to meet Simon again. Most of the time, he’d imagined that he’d earn a punch.

But what happens is that Simon pulls him into a tight hug and kisses his cheek. “Oh God, you’re alright.”, Simon breathes into his ear. He smiles so hard that Raphael can feel it against his own cheek. “You didn’t show up anywhere and Magnus wouldn’t talk about you so I didn’t--”

I’m sorry. , Raphael signs as he steps back. I didn’t--

“It’s fine,” Simon waves him off. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

Thank you. 

“So… coffee?”, Simon asks.

Raphael nods despite thinking how dumb it is to act like nothing happened between them. After all, it has indirectly caused him to disappear for a whole week. But, seeing how glad Simon seems that he’s back, Raphael would rather enjoy it for a while.

Since they’ve met in front of the building where their ASL class is, the baristas already are used to the countless people who order either in sign language or type out their order - enough of them stop by throughout the day. He can’t exactly say why, but Raphael thinks he wouldn’t have been completely comfortable with Simon ordering for him.

They sit there in silence for a while, nursing their coffees until Raphael thinks it’s getting too awkward.

I’ve been in L-O-N-D-O-N., he explains.

“London.”, Simon repeats thoughtfully. “What did you do there?”

R-A-G-N-O-R.  , Raphael spells.  I was O-V-E-R-W-H-E-L-M-E-D .

“... by us?”, Simon wants to know. “I mean, not that there really is an us. It would be cool, I guess, but if you don’t--”

You want to be with me? 

“Well, I mean,” Simon starts and corrects his glasses. And thus, he only leads Raphael’s attention to the fact that he's _blushing_. “Why wouldn't I?”

Lots of reasons  , Raphael shrugs.

“I didn't see any of them.”

You still could. 

“Yeah, and _then_ I could still react.”, Simon says firmly. “But, I mean, there’s no point in saying that if you’re not--”

S-I-M-O-N. I am. 

“You are?”

Interested, yeah. 

And Simon _beams_ at him. If Raphael’s thought seeing him smile was breathtaking before (which, of course, he _had_ thought), then now his heart was about to combust from the view. How could he even still argue with him when he looks like that?

“So…?”, Simon asks through his grin. “Is this a date now?”

And for a moment, Raphael feels like floating. As if Simon’s smile granted him wings and offered him a way to leave his worries behind.  Let’s turn it into one. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment!!


End file.
